Scattered brain of a PICU mum

Just over a week ago we rushed our little girl to hospital with a confirmed case of pneumonia. Over the course of the next 36 hrs she reached the extent of care in a local hospital and we were then airlifted to our states largest paediatric hospital.

Over the space of the next 48 hrs, my head began to spin, my thoughts jumped from concern and care to the random and bizarre. Here’s the unabridged version of a scattered brain of a PICU (paediatric intensive care unit) mum.

Thank God we’re here, thank God she’s safe now. So small, so sick, please fight baby girl. What are all those bells, should someone be doing something? 

Why is it so cold?

Sleep, you want me to sleep? I want to sleep, maybe they can give me something to sleep. 

I wonder how she’s gone overnight? Why am I taking so long to get ready, why can’t I function? 

She’s had a rough night, poor baby girl, so fragile! Why didn’t I have her to hospital sooner. Rough night? You mean she crashed, oh God!

Why is it so freaking cold in here? 

I need some fresh air and a gin and tonic, it’s only 8am… How good is coffee, maybe I need a line put in, have it intravenously, surely the nurse can help me with that.


How do some people get their licenses, is he ever going to park that Camry?

How amazing is this hospital, how amazing are the staff?

How many attempts is it going to take, CAMRY DRIVERS?

Hospital, I hope we’re gone within a week, 10 days max…

Thank God for Facebook! For crying out loud, I’ll park the fricken Camry!


Why are there so many people in her room? Why are there more machines? Dr running towards me, NOT GOOD. She’s what crashed, again, what does that even mean, why didn’t he say her blood pressure dropped rapidly. Keep nodding, he’s still talking, now I’ve missed the next part, would he mind if I recorded him… I’m never going to remember this… STOP TALKING!

What if she dies, OH MY GOD what if she dies, think about that, no don’t think a about that, think about anything but that! 

Blood transfusion, sure why not?

“Mum has it all together”, bahahahahahahaha if only they knew what was happening in my head! Keep nodding!

Freezing! Where is my cardigan?

Is now a good time to ask about the caffein intravenous thing?

Mycoplasma, mycoplasma, mycoplasma remember that, microplasma, microplasta something beginning with M…

Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome, ARDS, ARDS quick right it down or it will be like the word that started with … Um… M… that’s it micro something. 

Don’t freakin die on me. Dear God do not let her die, DO something. Stable… Breath…

If I owned a helicopter I could get to work in 20 minutes, bit hard for school drop off though, Israel would love it.

Acutely Hypoxic – WTF does that mean – keep nodding – sepsis, why do I not know these words? Phone, where’s my phone, Google.

I really need a new handbag, oh crap the shoes I ordered have been sent to my old address crap, crap, crap.

Should I buy the nurse chocolates for keeping her alive today?

Will somebody turn the bloody heat on!

We are 7 days into our PICU stay, Eden is stable and making progress, be it ever so slow. The best thing about being in PICU, is that everything is out of my control and all decisions are someone else’s – the hardest thing about being in PICU (besides seeing your child so sick) is that everything is out of my control and all decisions are someone else’s… We look forward to having our poppet home as soon as possible.


3 thoughts on “Scattered brain of a PICU mum

  1. You dear dear girl Ruth! Scattered brain maybe but exhausted mind I say. May God give you and hubby renewed strength to cope with EVERY moment of the day and night.
    Your precious little Eden may she continue to get well and soon back with family enjoying life and all those cheeky smiles to enjoy again.
    Our love and prayers are with you and your beautiful little treasure Eden.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you Ruth. Thank you for sharing your journey, and thank you for your insight into PICU. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your gang, especially Eden. Thank you for the giggles. Thank God I don’t drive a camry!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You guys are AWESOME!

    When I think about your journey I am both devastated by the circumstances that you are enduring and astounded at God’s ability to sustain human beings.

    Thank you for sharing and for being beacons of hope in a world full of darkness, fear and storms.

    Thank you Lord for being, for loving and for connecting to us.


    Mike Alcock


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