After a few decades of working with people through some of their most tragic moments, devastating losses, confusions, hurts, challenges, shattered dreams, relationship breakdowns, and many other varied situations, I have discovered a question that is far more devastating than the actual circumstance. “WHY?”
I have found time and time again the debilitating nature and danger of “WHY?” It’s a question that sends people into a downward spiral, because:
1) it never offers up any resolute answers
2) the subject of the “WHY?” becomes a greater source of resentment, hurt, pain, confusion, distraction, bitterness and rejection.
On 19th of April, 2013, as mentioned in my last blog, Perfect by Design, my amazing angel Eden Rose was given to this world. Well, she was given to me and my family, but I will share her with all of you.
That day and the few days after were quite a blur, as we discovered the “perfect” plans we had for our family had been thrown what seemed to be a massive curve ball – a diagnosis of Down syndrome. So much chaos! So many emotions, questions and opinions. (Oh, and don’t forget the leaflets!!)
Amongst all the medical concerns, information overload, managing family, facing the unknown, I remember late one night lying on the floor in my lounge room, praying, and in that moment vowing to God that I will never ever ask “WHY?”
If ever there was a time in my life when asking “WHY?” could have been and should have been justifiable, there was just no way I was going to make my beautiful Eden the subject of the repercussions of “WHY?”
Every time I saw her, held her, fed her through a nasal gastric tube, changed her nappies, thought about the challenges she would face, watched helplessly as she turned blue from “cardiac failure”, struggled to breathe and basically fight every day for the right to live, it became clear to me that all my princess will ever need is LOVE.
For Eden to be the brunt of a “WHY?”; never allowed to be fully accepted for all that she is and all that she brings to this world – is completely selfish and so terribly, terribly unfair. She deserves nothing less than the undeniable, fully devoted, unconditional, uncompromising LOVE of a totally besotted and completely smitten father.
In that moment of prayer on my floor, a distinct clarity filled my heart and mind, no longer armed with “WHY?”, but now armed with the most empowering question of my life, “WHAT?”
What can I learn?
What can I give?
What can we become?
What opportunities will we face?
What is this new world that’s now open to me?
What can I bring to it?
What does God want me to do with this opportunity?
What do I do from here?
What part do I play?
What do my family and friends need to help them process this situation?
So many new questions – each one providing enormous opportunity, huge growth and unfathomable potential.
This is how our world and my family will be framed from now – with the question “WHAT?”.
I encourage you – don’t allow yourself to be crippled or disabled by the unanswerable “WHY?” Allow yourself to be set free by asking “WHAT?” Unlock a brand new world, a massive adventure, a journey of creativity, desire and passion.
Eden Rose, Daddy’s Angel! The source of unlimited potential, unending joy and pure love!
Thank you God.